“They look nice,” my husband said, and I agreed. We had just finished an apartment tour and noticed the flyer in the elevator advertising weekly social events, with a picture of the community coordinators in the bottom corner.
After getting married a few months prior, we had decided to set off on a new little life adventure by moving to a new city, where we knew no one but would welcome the change in scenery. We were deciding between a variety of apartments – some were downtown, some were scattered across the outskirts of the city. Some were new construction, which was enticing, but we kept coming back to this one with the social events and community coordinators. Even though we were choosing to move away from long-standing friends, we knew we’d still want some sort of social connection in our new home.
Fast forward a few months – my husband moved first, and attended his first apartment social event on his own. “I think we are going to get along with them,” he texted me after meeting the community coordinators. It turns out this was an understatement. In just a few weeks, not only did we become fast friends with the couple who organized these events, but they had a magical way of connecting us with other apartment dwellers. They clearly listened to the details you shared with them, but then also remembered those details when introducing you to your neighbors (as someone with a touch of social anxiety, I see this as a true gift!).
One of the first weekends my husband and I were together in our new home, we decided to join a group hike. That morning, however, my anxiety kicked in – I woke up late, I wasn’t feeling great, and I didn’t know how social I was ready to be. I was very close to backing out, but God had other plans. I dragged myself downstairs to the parking lot, and at first hid behind the excuse of not wanting to expose anyone to my stuffy nose and slightly scratchy throat. We drove an hour to a trailhead, and slowly but surely, just as our bodies warmed up and the morning chill lifted, the conversation started to flow. By the end of that five mile out-and-back hike, we already had inside jokes with neighbors we had just met and exchanged phone numbers with potential new friends.
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One particular Potential New Friend was also a teacher from out-of-state, and as any pair of good friends would, we bonded over brunch a few weeks later. We shared details of our lives – everything from family dynamics to what it was like teaching littles how to read in our respective hometowns, tiptoeing around the topic of faith until she mentioned she was considering doing an Advent book study with another neighbor.
I was curious. It’d been a long time since I’d engaged with others about my faith, and maybe now was the time to explore how faith would play a role in my life moving forward. We were experiencing so many new things at this point, it didn’t seem like I had anything to lose. I shared my interest in joining the Advent book study, and over the course of four weeks, while we did read the book and share our favorite quotes from this chapter here and this chapter there, the greatest gift of my time with these women was the connection that grew from sharing highs and lows over tea or microwaved popcorn, scribbling prayer requests in the back of our books, and eventually sharing reflections on God’s work in our lives. Had my husband and I not sought out a community in our new city and that community did not welcome us with the intentionality that it did, I may have never connected with these two new forever friends.
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When I look back on our first few months in our new home, I’m amazed at how God was working to build us a support system. Potential New Friend is now one of my nearest and dearest – we’ve continued reading books together, trained for 5Ks together, and are always more than willing to listen to each other’s ups and downs. We might not have ended up as members of the same church congregation, but we still encourage each other and strive to be lights for each other during dark times, lifting one another up as we work to spread God’s love and generosity into the world.
Living in an apartment community that fostered these unlikely connections changed what it meant for me to be a neighbor. Even though I spent years living in a major city with neighbors on all sides, I never made the effort to get to know them, and I wonder what relationships I missed out on. Our calling as neighbors is simpler than we often care to admit – “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). When you realize that everyone else is new or just looking for connection too, it’s easier to let your guard down, to welcome others into your life, and to be the light that God calls us to be.
My husband and I have since moved into a single-family home but try to take what we experienced in our apartment living and apply it to our neighborhood life as much as we can. The world is so divided, and our differences are being thrown back into our faces as though they are things we should fear. There is no better time than now to live out this commandment for the world to see. We are not called to divide and exclude. We are simply called to welcome, include, and love, and the perfect way to start is with our neighbors.
Jen Schiller currently resides in Asheville, NC, with roots in Chicago and New Jersey. She is a special education teacher taking some time to lean into her creative side by sharing her writing on her Substack, “Geraniums and Daffodils.”
This post is a part of the series, From Door to Discipleship. Last month the focus was hospitality and this month we are focusing on biblical community and belonging.
